haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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