so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
