That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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