I have demons in me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
