weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize