1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
