Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
