A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
