Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
