I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I died a long time ago.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
