I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
