Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
