one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
there was a trapeze. enough said
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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