I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
