just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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