I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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