I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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