so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
