I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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