she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
