i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
im six kinds of drunk right now
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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