i already hear my dad disowning me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
