Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
