I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
honey bunches of taint.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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