My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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