Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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