You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
the raccoons are back...
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