If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
