I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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