can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
