Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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