Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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