people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
