Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
