come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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