I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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