Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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