My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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