i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
