hotel room ftw
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
