The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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