well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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