Got a toothbrush?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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