Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
