There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
