I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
