I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
