yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
