On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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