I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
