Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize