dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
