3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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