I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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