Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
