Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
