I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Farmville is her only friend.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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