Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
