So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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