would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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