Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
