just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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