They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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