Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize