I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
